The epic, canonical story of the hero Beowulf is one that has been passed on for centuries and is arguably the best preserved story that exists from early British literature. Unfortunately, novelist Neil Gaiman and screenwriter Robert Avary of "Pulp Fiction" combined forces to write a script full of colloquial one-liners and an attempt at cinematic glory that leaves the film's audience feeling confused and indignant.

Of course, this response was definitely dependent on what each person showed up to see. On one hand, most people could assume a Hollywood effort of this scope was not intended for intense Beowulf, Old English-speaking enthusiasts who have read multiple translations of the epic. Anything with a computer-generated image of Angelina Jolie that seduces, kills and speaks in a poorly-accented, grandiose manner cannot be fit for the intensely scholastic intellectual. On the other hand, the gratuitous violence combined with oblique references to honor, treasure and dysfunctional sexual affairs would come off as completely bizarre and seemingly nonsensical to anyone who has never been exposed to the poem itself. (Personally, I lie in the middle of this binary; I've read Beowulf carefully, but I have no real love or passion for what it accomplishes in the genre of English literature.) The indication that this effort by Oscar-winning director Robert Zemeckis, who was responsible for "Forrest Gump," "Back to the Future" and "Castaway," is a complete fiasco is that it fails to reach all three of the abovementioned groups.

Beside it being a series of uninspired dialogue (like when the main character screams "I am Beowulf!" after each macho, crudely violent thing he accomplishes), the computer-generated format was a horrible basis for putting a serious, traditional epic on the silver screen. To be fair, it would be hard and equally as off-putting to see real actors attempt a story that is full of mythical creatures and larger than life scenes. To take such a staple of English literature, however, and portray it as a cartoon is a ludicrous notion. In "Big Fish," viewers were presented with larger than life characters and themes with actual people, and director Tim Burton challenged the viewer to accept his vision into the collective imagination — and he succeeded. In another sense, the computer-generated format is one that can be successful for an adult audience — think "South Park," "Family Guy" and even "The Simpsons." Creators of these shows were able to push the envelope and express meaning in a way that is almost less offensive and more acceptable simply because it isn't real people. In the case of this film, however, the head-biting and limb-ripping type of violence is the type that doesn't mesh well with lofty themes of honor and tradition, most especially in a computer-generated format.

With horrible dialogue and its bizarre animated nature, many people automatically assume that "Beowulf" is bound to be hokey and strange. It's hard to imagine just how sexualized the epic is, though. The invention that King Beowulf had a wife he cuckolded from his predecessor as well as a hot, young mistress is a huge diversion from the actual plot that cannot be tolerated. Even worse is the melodramatic way in which he dies to save both women. Granted, modern artistic efforts are hugely inclusive and desperate for any and all things romantic, especially in the mainstream, but this was just over the top.

Despite the aptly anticipated displeasure experienced upon viewing this film, a few things are done well. The writers and director are wise to include major themes of the epic that everyone can identify; honor and family are well-represented and truthful to all that we know about the story. Furthermore, the writers intelligently tweak the almost two separate stories that exist in Beowulf into one surprisingly complex yet cohesive storyline. By introducing the notion that the monster Grendel was born as a result of King Hrothgar's affair with Grendel's mother, the writers are able to combine the story of Grendel with the very independently depicted story of the dragon, as the dragon in the film was a result of King Beowulf's copycat affair with Grendel's mother. This aspect of the film is reminiscent of the ingenuity and creativity that Gaiman and Avary were handpicked for.

To top off the experience, the movie is shown in 3-D on an Imax screen. A cheap ploy to immerse the viewer further into the gore and action of the insubstantial film, the experience would be less offensive if it weren't for the 3-D tendency of enhancing the poorly attempted comical, cartoon-ish side that was film's weakest element.

All in all, the promotion team for this film must have had a hard time choosing whom to market it to; lovers of Beowulf as well as general movie-watchers ambivalent to really old poems will probably fail to enjoy or understand the disaster that is "Beowulf." While the struggle to compress such a literary classic into something entertaining and accessible is commendable, there is a fine distinction between what is good and what is bad in book-to-screen projects. The epic of Beowulf is better left in the hands of unwilling students who realize they are reading it simply because it is so old, and the uncommon individuals who derive unique yet endearing joy from the grand narrative that will comfortably remain a foundation of the English literary canon.

1 out of 5 stars