After an unsuccessful three-day theatrical release in a few Texas movie theatres, Jessica Simpson�s latest movie, �Blonde Ambition,� was slapped with the demeaning straight-to-DVD label. It will be watched by few � and admired by even fewer.

During its brief stint on the big screen in December 2007, the movie only garnered $384 on its opening night, which � when calculated � comes to 48 people who saw the movie. By the end of the weekend the total gross had come to a pathetic total of $1,332 from eight separate theaters, and a month later the film was ambitiously moved to DVD in an effort to start the tortoise-paced movement out of debt. But have no pity; executive producer and Jessica Simpson�s father, Joe Simpson, can always pimp his beloved daughters to the media to make ends meet.

The film revolves around Simpson�s character Katie, a sugary-sweet, small-town Southern gal who takes a trip to New York City to visit her aspiring model boyfriend. After finding him with another woman, she seeks comfort and shelter from her city-dwelling cousin Haley (Rachel Leigh Cook, �She�s All That�). In an unexplainable turn of events, Katie soon lands a corporate job with the help of quirky evil-doers Debra (Penelope Ann Miller, �The Messengers�) and Freddy (Andy Dick, �The Comebacks�), who wish to manipulate her to gain higher status within the company. Although wholesomely naive and dopey, Katie tries to prove that she has what it takes to be a high-class, working woman with the encouragement of her grandpa (Willie Nelson, �The Dukes of Hazzard�) and love interest (Luke Wilson, �Blades of Glory�). The message of the movie made me realize that I don�t need a college education or impressive r�sum� to attain a respectable position in corporate America. I just need to learn Southern charm and how to tilt my head ever-so-slightly when I�m confused.

With a barren, cliche-ridden script and overblown direction, the film becomes a horrid debauchery that should be hidden from the eyes of mankind. Even the make-up crew couldn�t get it straight since Simpson�s face constantly looks as though it was dipped in Pepto-Bismol and iodine.

However, I wasn�t completely altered by Simpson�s acting and only cringed occasionally, but I suppose a lifetime of method acting as an airhead has made her embodiment of the character more believable. It seems Simpson wished to escape the tabloids that pinned her as a dumb blonde by showcasing her talent as an actress playing none other than a dumb blonde. Genius! Andy Dick�s performance, on the other hand, was overly outrageous and entirely unnecessary. For myself and all others who wish to avoid any project he is involved in, I wish to endorse a surgeon general�s warning on each movie with his nauseating presence. As for the additional talent, Luke Wilson appeared to be on an eternal hangover, and Willie Nelson�s questionable, THC-induced performance made him appear more likely to go catch butterflies onscreen than read his lines.

�Blonde Ambition� will not be Simpson�s last straight-to-DVD flub; audiences can keep their eyes peeled in 2008 for �Major Movie Star,� a movie in which Simpson tries her hand at a more diverse role by playing a dumb blonde who joins the Army. It seems that Simpson wishes to recreate a DVD anthology such as the likes of �The Adventures of Mary Kate and Ashley,� except Simpson could never throw down a sleepover party like the Olsen twins, not to mention that she has considerably less talent.

If �Blonde Ambition� does anything, it shows production companies that pairing a popular celebrity � especially one like Jessica Simpson � with a film is not only financially and critically unsuccessful, it is an embarrassment for all who are in it and all who experience the horror of watching it.

1/2 stars out of 5