It is not too often a mime opens up a show by doing nothing but open a bottle of water, yet coming from five men associated with �The Daily Show,� �The Colbert Report,� �Futurama� and The Onion, irrelevance is to be expected. Last night, Ben Karlin, a University of Wisconsin alumnus, entertained a large crowd at the Union Theater with a �live� version of the book he edited, �Things I’ve Learned from Women Who’ve Dumped Me.�

A comedic anthology, or as Karlin calls it, �a book you don’t even write,� the book focuses on the embarrassing, often humiliating highlights of the writers’ romantic history. Boasting a wide variety of writers, from Will Forte (�Saturday Night Live�), whose chapter is entitled �Beware of Math Tutors Who Ride Motorcycles� to Andy Richter (�Semi-Pro�), who wrote a chapter called �Girls Don’t Make Passes at Boys with Fat Asses,� there is a wide variety of relationship nightmares.

In addition to Karlin, other speakers included Todd Hanson and Andy Selsberg of The Onion, Dan Vebber of TV�s �Futurama� and �American Dad,� and arguably the most anticipated speaker, Dan Savage of �Savage Love� infamy. Each speaker vividly retold his chapter of a relationship gone haywire, including Savage, whose story about a woman named Wendy was perhaps the most entertaining of the night. Unfortunately, the tale rapidly went to places not fit for print, but what I can tell you is that he described certain female anatomy as being �well-concealed.� Getting the book for that story alone would be a worthwhile move.

Other gems in the collection of lessons included the following: A grudge is always an option, there are in fact things that don’t kill you and also don’t make you stronger (multiple sclerosis was a noted example), the average Midwestern campus has at least one �budding, young, radical feminist who is mind-blowingly sexy,� according to Hanson, the small change from �tattooed� to �two� can have major consequences, having no personal dignity helps contend with massive embarrassment and finally, in what could be the unifying lesson of the night, �sex is the most stressful thing in the universe,� according to Vebber.

A large part of the night�s entertainment came not just from the readings but from the knowledge that all of the speakers have ties to Madison. Four are UW alumni and one, Savage, resided in Madison and is well-known for having been a manager at local Four Star Video Heaven. Those four UW alumni were even cartoonists for The Daily Cardinal during their time at UW.

Coming back to Madison clearly represented a homecoming of sorts and resulted in a tighter bond with the audience. Selsberg attempted to �audition� for a commencement speech by epically telling the audience to �seize life by the tomatoes and make them into a delicious, sustainable salad of life.�

Or maybe it was the cake passed out by Todd Hanson and, later, his brief rendition of Beyonc�’s �Irreplaceable� that made the evening more intimate.