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Hump day: Dildo’s and dildon’ts for history’s favorite sex toy

Dildos can provide satisfaction for all sexual orientations and gender identities — just keep these guidelines in mind
Hump day: Dildos and dildonts for historys favorite sex toy
Martin Arz

Dildos are the oldest and most widely used sex toys known to paleontologists, dating back to the Paleolithic era.

While historians have debated whether their purpose was sexual or religious, nowadays folks of all sexual orientations and gender identities utilize dildos for satisfaction with partners or on their own. 

Sex toy companies can fulfill nearly any dildo desire, including a casting system that captures the exact shape of someone’s penisanimal dildos and a combination dildo-pipe (the Peter Piper Pecker Puffer Glass Pipe Dildo). Just be sure to research sex toy sources thoroughly; the U.S. government doesn’t regulate sex toys.

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Choosing a dildo

Dildos come in so many different sizes, shapes, colors and materials that it can seem overwhelming to shop for one. But, the beauty of these options is that people can easily find whatever toy suits their fancy.

When seeking the right wand for the wizard, it’s better to browse dildos in person rather than online. Online sites usually don’t show an item’s scale, so one could end up with a dildo the size of their arm instead of what they thought was a beginner’s toy. Visit a sex toy shop (such as A Woman’s Touch in Madison) to experience various textures and girths in person.

When choosing between materials, there are generally several, including:

  • Silicone — a favorite among sex toy manufacturers because they’re non-porous and non-absorbent, meaning they’re odor-free. They’re easy to clean, non-toxic, smooth and excellent conductors of heat and vibrations. They last longer, but cost more than other materials.
  • Soft Vinyl — these toys are soft, flexible and carry vibrations well. High quality vinyl is less porous and outlasts jelly toys, but cheap vinyl, which is porous, increases risk of infection.
  • Plastic — these dildos are hard and smooth, but if cheaply made, they contain sharp seams that could cut genitals.
  • Jelly —  a common sex toy material due to its low cost and ability to be formed into almost any shape. These pliable toys come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colors. Plus, they contain phthalates, a chemical agent known to cause health issues in laboratory studies.
  • Cyberskin — it feels similar to human skin, but is difficult to clean. These dildos may also contain phthalates. One can prevent them from collecting lint by dusting it with cornstarch.
  • Glass — Glass dildos are smooth, retain temperature well and are non-porous. No phthalates are involved. Warm a glass dildo in heated water or chill it in the fridge for enhanced pleasure.
  • Metal — they’re often used in BDSM play and are safe if they’re seam-free and unpainted.

When selecting a dildo size, use a hand as a comparison and remember that very large toys often require time and plenty of lube to get used to. There are generally two camps: anatomically accurate or more offbeat. If a penis isn’t appealing, plenty of other options are available for insertive fun!

DilDOs

  • DO clean dildos frequently and in between uses. Silicone and elastomer can be completely disinfected by boiling them in water for approximately four minutes. Soft vinyl toys cannot be disinfected, but should be cleaned using antibacterial, fragrance-free soap and water. Inexpensive jelly sex toys are difficult to clean, so be sure to use condoms during use. Glass and metal dildos should be cleaned with antibacterial soap and water, and Pyrex glass can be boiled.
  • DO switch condoms for every dildo or orifice change. The bacterial ecosystems of the vagina and anus should be kept separate and, if mixed, could cause infection.
  • DO use sex toy compatible lube.
  • DO test out different temperatures.
  • DO test a dildo first when engaging in temperature play to make sure it’s not too hot or cold.

DilDON’Ts

  • DON’T clean vibrating dildos without removing the vibrator or batteries from the toy.
  • DON’T insert dildos without a flared base into the anus. The vagina ends at the cervix, but the butthole continues up into the digestive tract — no one wants to visit the doctor to have a dildo pulled out.
  • DON’T use silicone lube with low-quality silicone toys; it can degrade them.
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