The Beat Goes On

The Beat Goes On

June 2009 archives

(Earlier: May 2009) (Later: July 2009)
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There is no doubt about it - Gossip's front-woman Beth Ditto has real stage presence. Before she even hits a single note, she illuminates charisma that is almost incomparable to any lead singer of a post-punk rock group. Infamous for dancing on stage and for her eccentric, yet, revealing performance wardrobe - full-bodied spandex suits and her own undergarments - Ditto shamelessly carries an "I could care less" attitude. After all, how many plus-sized, female rockers can claim vocal ranges from soulful to full-blown punk/rock and still be equally appealing?

Gossip first garnered mainstream attention back in 2006 with their third studio release, Standing in the Way of Control. The title track from the album was nothing less than true genius. Controversial and fresh, the single was a response penned by Ditto herself, which panned former president George W. Bush after he made a federal push to outlaw same-sex marriage in the U.S. The song continued to grow immensely popular when it was used in promos for the controversial U.K. hit series "Skins," which showcased out-of-control British teenagers partying in furry bear costumes and on teeny-tiny bicycles.

Fans who have long awaited the electronic-only June release of Gossip's fourth studio album, Music For Men, may be in a bit of a dilemma. New and long-time listeners may enjoy the new material on the album, while others may feel as though their work has gone in a creatively bland direction.

The album treads away from indie-punk rock and into radio mainstream, which most likely is the result of being distributed by Columbia Records, a far cry from their former, freewheeling Kill Rock Stars label on which Control was on. The first single off of the album, "Heavy Cross," starts off with muted palm picking guitars and a brooding sound quality and then transitions into dance-y beats with cymbals. Though the single is instrumentally strong, it is easily forgettable. The vocals seem strained at times and it cannot measure up to the same lasting impression as the first single from Control.

On the bright side, the opening track, "Dimestore Diamond," reminds us of Ditto's diverse vocal ranges and proves that she does not have to screech every other 30 seconds in order to have a lasting impression. The track is mastered into near-perfection with the addition of a rhythmic static and funky bass. In fact, without those nuanced details, this track would have easily gotten lost behind the other 11 efforts offered on the album.

Yet, too much of the content in the songs on Music For Men revolve around the singer's dismay over the distance and disconnect in relationships, a been-there-done-that kind of deal. The songs start to become repetitive, and you start to wonder if Gossip has started to lose steam.

Then again, the sporadic surprises in the album every now and then are refreshing. Once, but briefly, in the intro of "Love and Let Love," Ditto goes old-school by sampling lyrics and tunes from Salt N' Pepas's infamous "Push It." Also, listeners with a close ear may find the opportunity to catch cameo-sized lyrics cribbed from the Go-Go's, Aretha Franklin and the Beatles throughout the album. The winner on the album is "Pop Goes the World," a dynamic fusion of techno and pop and one of the most charming and original tracks on the entire album for both its vocal and instrumental quality.

Music For Men is satisfying to the ears and even empowering at times, but it occasionally lacks inspiration, something Standing in the Way of Control did not have a problem with. Yet, unlike many follow-up albums after major success, this one may just have enough of an edge to keep Gossip from being a one-hit-wonder in the mainstream music world.

3 stars out of 5

With "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," Michael Bay's unrelenting predisposition to tremendously long action scenes that use extreme length and continual explosions to numb the mind into a sense of excitement takes hold once more, leaving the audience with a film that gives up every scrap of dignity, character, and logical plot development.

The film begins with Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf, "Eagle Eye") leaving for college, where once again his parents (played again by Kevin Dunn, "Vicky Christina Barcelona" and Julie White, "Michael Clayton") outdo LeBeouf's performance with humor and actual acting skills. Meanwhile, Sam's girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox, "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People") is left behind, unsuccessfully trying to get Sam to tell her she loves him -- this superfluous romance angle having no bearing on the plot and being a lesson Bay evidently did not learn from "Pearl Harbor's" failure. Then, an ancient story begins unraveling but quickly gets sucked up and lost in action scenes after all hell breaks loose and the Autobots and Decepticons go at it for hours on end, literally.

Included in the mix is an unexplained human robot (in case you missed "Terminator: Salvation"), the reprisal of a few uninteresting and further undeveloped characters from the first film, and a Megan Fox who remains present solely for shots of pouty lips and slow-motion boob jiggling, successfully capitalizing on all of her talents. Serious Transformers fans may be pleased to hear that a great deal of their favorite characters are probably present with the addition of several Autobots and Decepticons both, but the end result is quantity over quality as not a single new character is a character at all. With the exception of an interesting Decepticon named Jetfire, the rest are present simply as robots in battles.

The action certainly is amped up this time around, sometimes to an absurd degree, even for a Michael Bay film. But the fireworks have lost their intrigue and heart without characters we actually care about, and even the CGI has notably suffered in quality despite reportedly using 140 terabytes to process during the film's production. Optimus Prime is regrettably absent for most of the film, and a few of the robots that are present are alarmingly disconcerting, most notably the twin Autobots Mudflap and Skids, who embody a remarkably offensive variety of negative African American caricatures, like a modern, robotic "Amos 'n' Andy" pairing. Although, progress is made in terms of robot equality; an ostensibly female Autobot even gets a single line before promptly being obliterated.

Except to insert jokes about balls and humping, which this movie likely has more of than Sacha Baron Cohen's "Br�no" will, the action never stops. This can be of great value to the kids who've taken the franchise to heart, but leaves the rest of us wondering how so many millions can be spent animating a movie that has so little content. And when the movie does finally end, the conclusion is as surprisingly sudden as it is anticlimactic.

The mechanics are all off, and the spark that made "Transformers" a success has simply gotten lost somewhere along the way. It causes one to rethinks whether adapting the great series into live-action films was really a good idea in the first place.

1 star out of 5.

The Jo Bros take on puberty driven fans head with their new album, Lines, Vines, and Trying Times. Filled with themes of teen angst mixed with a tone of "discovering oneself," the Jonas Brothers awkwardly transition from their pop band tunes into more melodramatic ballads. Unfortunately, they may have struck out.

They definitely deserve an "A" for effort in mixing music genres, however, their lack of musical experience becomes evident when attempts smooth transitions failed. "What Did I Do To Your Heart" features a blue grass/country background which shows their artistic reach into other fields of music. But when they didn't adapt their typical pop vocals to match, they struck a bad chord. Nevertheless, they deserve kudos for the concept. But maybe a different band needs to try it.

The Disney Channel also heavily promoted the song "Poison Ivy" (as well as the music video for "Paranoid"). Poison Ivy's" melody and rhythm set up for a great song, just don't listen to the lyrics...they ruin it. The Jonas Brothers still seem too young enough to understand the difficulties of a relationship, and with lyrics likening a girlfriend to a bad rash -- listeners realize that inducing illness is unimpressive.

One of the more impressive aspects of this album is their use of various instrumentals including ska band influences and big bands. Listeners definitely hear the intent to try new things and spice up their sound.

There are two collaborations found on the album from a rap influence and a fellow Disney member. You might have to do a double take at who is singing when Common is featured on the song, "Don't Charge Me for the Crime." Combining both talents with a drumset background is an interesting concept, though the song's lyrics seem a little outside the clean-cut image of the Jonas Brothers.

Their collaboration with Miley Cyrus seemed to be more their speed and perhaps a little more interesting for fans due to her previous relationship with Nick Jonas. "Before the Storm" is a lovesick, hopeful song and may just be the explanation for why she reunited with her old beau.

The Jo Bro's also have a few songs with their original, Disney fun pop sound, nd fans will definitely appreciate that. "Hey Baby" combines their sounds with a jazzy, pop feeling. It's catchy and definitely classic Jonas Brothers.

Lines, Vines, and Trying Times seems to be one of the Jonas Brothers growing albums where they experiment with different sounds and try to get a feel for what they like to perform. They had good intentions, however, they still need to keep working on it. Fans should expect future great hits on upcoming albums do to the work put in on Lines, Vines, and Trying Times.

It's been a little over 24 hours since Michael Jackson passed and there's already been cultural blood spilled over what his legacy will be.

Jackson, The King of Pop.

Jackson, the sideshow freak.

Jackson, the trapped child.

Jackson, the business man.

Jackson, the father.

Amid all this speculation, no one can seem to avoid hyperbole. It makes sense; Jackson was an entertainment juggernaut that just doesn't exist in today's world of target markets, split demographics and declining record sales.

So yesterday came the media funeral procession -- facebook was nothing but status update tributes, every newspaper started framing his life, even Iranians in the middle of their struggle for democracy took time to honor a man who'd dedicated himself to global peace.

What's striking to me is that we still, by and large, seemed to come to a consensus on what he was.

Michael Jackson was part of a triumvirate of Western musical culture -- the other two being The Beatles and Elvis Presley. When Lennon said The Beatles were "bigger than Jesus," he appropriately characterized their stance in pop culture. They weren't just artists, they were immaculate conceptions of their respective musical styles -- Elvis being the father of modern Rock N' Roll, and The Beatles being the savior and precursor to every pop rock band to ever form.

And their congregations still have an active clergy today -- we still remix Elvis songs for dance hits, we still buy any Beatles rerelease or hidden gem that comes up and we recognize the sweat, blood and tears of their labors being mixed into the mortar for our pop culture foundation.�

But take a second to consider this question -- had Michael Jackson not transformed before our eyes and lived among us as a quasi-human specter in the 90s and next millennium, but simply maintained his recluse personality until his death, would we remember him today as the legend he was?

Probably not.

That's because his influence seemed to operate differently than Elvis or the Beatles. When I think of their impact on pop culture, I tend to view their legacy in two ways. First, branching off into a range of musical styles to come for the next 40 years.� Then, as tragic humans. We come to the notable tragedies and made-for-tv movies -- Elvis and his problems with medication, women and ego. The Beatles and their infighting over creative control. Their relationships, their balance of life and fame.

They're geniuses, but we're reminded of their humanity.

Michael Jackson never gave us that sort of balance. He sacrificed his childhood for stardom. In a group of five talented brothers, he is the lead singer and soulful phenom at 11. For a child to contain that much confidence, talent and power is other worldly. And it's more supernatural to surpass that level of talent as a young adult.

Much is made of his peak performance at the 25th anniversary of Motown. But be honest -- from Off the Wall through Dangerous -- is there any point during this era that can be characterized as less than perfection? His voice is this bizarre fusion of falsetto soul, inner growl and childlike tenderness that appealed to every American at one point or another. His dancing is not just well-choreographed, it was so immaculately precise and controlled, science could not have engineered something as dynamic. On top of his personal skill, his business acumen precipitated the rise of publishing rights as a dominant business of the record industry, his creativity in video format was model for all others and his placement on MTV MADE that channel.

But his personal struggle wasn't about trying to balance personal affairs and business, it was trying to maintain a shread of his human form -- something he almost seemed to work against. Jackson's Neverland Ranch, chimp named bubbles, his constant plastic surgery and the widening gap between his private life and the media that was obsessed with him.

So here was this paradox of an image: a frail, confused, shadow of his former self in the public eye, and a coin-operated one-man stage show extravaganza. The ultimate showstopper stripped of any human form we could relate to.

And the fact of the matter is that Michael was so emaciated by the end of his career because he had sacrificed his body and life to his audience and fans. And while we can debate whether or not that laser-beam focus on one's career cuts one off from reality, Jackson made no attempt to live in the real world. He created his own.

But the reason we would not have remembered him as we are now without the bizarre second half of his life is that he would be conceived of, more than any other musician of our day, as an icon.�

Not in the clich�d way we say it now -- Madonna is an icon, Bono is icon, hell, Bruce Springsteen is an icon. Instead, he is iconic in the old-style religious sense. A source of worship, reproduction and emulation. One Slate.com article made the claim that Jackson, in a sense, created the 80s. I would go further and say he created modern pop. He was the bombastic blockbuster that made every pop artist argue for their immediate beatification. Jackson is the only one who actually achieved such sainthood.

And as strange as it sounds, that status makes Jackson, as a person and force, blend into the background. Not because he's a dime a dozen, but because he, in many ways, IS the background. He built this and gave himself completely to it. And had it not been for his personal struggles, he would have met that bar that Lennon glibly set for The Beatles. -- He would have been the Christ figure of modern pop.

And while one could argue we would have recognized him as a legend moreso in that case, Jackson the man would not get the credit for that. Michael Jackson the force, the cultural god that is inarguably inserted into every aspect of American R&B and pop, would be credited. And people would question if what they experienced was somehow divine presence rather than the strength of humanity.

Instead, we got that dose of tragedy, failure and humanity that the other members of our aforementioned triad had. Except it came in a form that still made him otherworldly, but in a very conflicting way. Nobody could understand his obsession with boys -- or his openness about this fact. No one understood why he chose to keep dismantling his body. Nobody could understand why someone so perfect in so many ways, seemed so repulsive and grotesque in so many other ways.

But when Jackson died, the public and media were confronted no longer with the shell of ridicule he had been reduced to, but to an amalgamation all of his forms.

And we were presented with the different routes to take.

Jackson, The King of Pop. Perfection wasn't just his goal, it was his life philosophy.

Jackson, the sideshow freak. Such a punchline to the media that a rogue mooning during his Brit Awards performance was considered less disturbing than the performance itself.

Jackson, the trapped child. A man in arrested development caused one rock band to lament him as a "Mask of Hollowed bone/ Where a human is somewhere to be found"

Jackson, the business man. A soft-spoken, yet shrewd dealer who even screwed a respected Beatle out of the rights to his own music. (Although, he apparently left the catalog to him in his will.)

Jackson, the father. Even though he dangled one child off a balcony, he would later be seen bouncing him on his knee during an interview, strangely enough, like a dedicated, loving parent.

But in all of these descriptions, you don't see this:

�"Jackson, the human."

And we may never understand that description, because we never saw it up close and all other imprints of Michael Jackson upon American culture seem to surpass the limits of that definition.

So in the end, Michael Jackson's legacy need not come with additions.�

Michael Jackson. We all know what that means.

There is no modern songstress who is quite like the quirky, raconteur Regina Spektor. The Russian-born singer-songwriter gained popularity with tracks from her debut album, Soviet Kitsch, and sophomore release, Begin to Hope, appearing on popular television soundtracks (Grey's Anatomy, Weeds) and winning over fans with her unpredictable vocal range and creative approach to the anti-folk genre.

Unfortunately, Spektor's latest album, Far, lacks the versatility and substance of her earlier work. While Spektor does not stray from the eccentric lyrics and vocal twists fans have come to love, Far is what one would expect to find on a quality B-side release, with a few unsuccessful, experimental tracks thrown into the mix.

Although they vary in musical style, the first three tracks are the best on the album. "The Calculation," features lighthearted, bright melodies combined with unusual lyrics. The catchy beat makes this song one of the better tracks and it could definitely be used in one of those beguiling, hip television commercials. The second track, titled "Eet," is a testament to Spektor's impressive vocal ability. She manages to make a chorus of "eets" sound undeniably smooth and not one bit annoying. With deeper lyrics, this song displays the reliable emotion present in Spektor's previous albums. "Blue Lips" is the perfect compromise between the bright sound of "The Calculation" and the subdued "Eet." The abrupt chorus breaks the song up in a startlingly lovely way.

After the first three tracks, Far starts to fall apart. "Folding Chair," while cheerful, has a repetitive, annoying chorus and cringe-inducing dolphin noises. "Machine," one of the more experimental tracks, is unbearable. The introduction is promising, but once the chorus starts, Spektor's singing is overpowering and misbalanced. "Machine" has an innovative sound, but somehow Spektor's voice fails to successfully mesh well with the beat.

In the song "Dance Anthem of the 80's," the rhythm is again catchy and the song is creative, but the repetition becomes obtrusive. "Laughing With" may be one of the more successful tracks on Far, but the preachy and cyclical lyrics, "No one's laughing at God when" become tedious. In an interview with the New York Times, Spektor explained, "I've always been fascinated with faith and religions. Sometimes I'm sarcastic about it, and sometimes I'm in awe." While this helps to explain the religious illusions in many of the tracks on Far, it can get a bit overwhelming.

One of the later tracks, "Genius Next Door," truly highlights Spektor's ability to captivate the listener with her storytelling and includes an intoxicating classical piano underscore. Unfortunately, most of the later tracks are forgotten in disappointment of the middle tracks. "Human of the Year" and "Two Birds" may not be failures, but they stop short of great and are not memorable.

While it may be "far" from a complete disappointment, Far will no doubt leave fans of Regina Spektor's older albums dissatisfied.

3 stars out of 5

So you read Nikki Signer's winning entry, and here is our other new columnist, Rachel Dickens:

I want to give great head. For every type of person. What are the best tips for eating out and blowing someone? --Mr. Cock and Pussy.

Wait...that's your clit?

Note: the following statement is undoubtedly false.

Nothing in this world is more heinous than bad oral sex; and, as these things often do, it usually stems from ignorance. Sure, it's pretty much guaranteed that within each of our lifetimes, we're bound to encounter our fair share of trysts-gone-wrong, but that certainly isn't to say they should be swept under the rug like the alcoholic uncle in a WASPy family.

Being caught in the heat of the moment makes it pretty tricky to recall that Cosmo "how-to" article you read while standing in the check-out aisle last Tuesday, or those sure-fire tips your friends shared with you before you scored big at flip night.

That being said, I've found that covering the basics, with a few natural twists thrown in there, is much more helpful in getting your own creative juices flowing (both mentally and genitally speaking, of course) than a laundry list of kinky things to do with your tongue.

Anatomy 101

Simply put, reaching orgasm and maintaining a steadily increasing stream of pleasurability beforehand are the basic goals of oral sex, in addition to being a great contributor to the foreplay lineup. Because eating out and giving head - namely the former - are hardly oral simulations of vaginal/anal sex, knowing where to lick and suck is pretty fucking important. Pun intended.

For the 65,400,000 and 63,200,000 of you who respectively googled "how to give good head to men" and "how to go down on a girl well," the following should (hopefully) come with minimal shock value. The clitoris and the penis, while highly discrepant in size, are both connected to the dorsal nerve, and thus contain roughly the same number of nerve endings. Although being touched or licked virtually anywhere in the groin area feels great, paying close attention to a woman's clit is bound to elicit some deliciously positive results.

Now, for an Everything-You-Always-Wanted-to-Know-About-Sex moment - the clitoris is located at 12� longitude and 46� latitude. Meaning, the point at the top of the vagina where the inner labia come together. If that's too clinical - which it probably would be for me if I didn't wikipedia "vagina" every two seconds - just ask your lady friend to point it out (hopefully, she knows).

The penis, on the other hand, is much easier to locate. If you're having trouble, assistance from your local optometrist would be of the utmost help, as you're...probably blind.

I wanna get physical, physical (and...mental?)

A friend once said to me, "Most things you do are oral," in response to telling her I was about to give an oral presentation to my Italian class. Considering this and the fact that my last name is "Dickens," you should have no trouble believing me when I say how often this subject crosses my mind. Usually during some absurdly boring 300-seat lecture. (I'll refrain from listing the particular classes to avoid offending all you PoliSci majors out there....oh.)

While I have no qualms in parousing the latest "scorching hot tips" online, despite the undoubtable likelihood of one of my classmates catching sight of the words "BLOW HIM OUT OF THE WATER" sprawled across my screen, I often find myself generating a list of potential techniques in my head.

It's always good just to think, "What could I possibly be doing right now?" as opposed to, "What'd Scott say made his girl cum all over the place last weekend?" That way, you're using your own creative stimuli and forming a technique unique to your instincts and the desires of your partner.

In addition, the pre-oral teasing process is always a good time to think of new ideas. Meaning, before rushing to go down on your partner, get them going by lightly massaging around their groin and sexually licking their ears and neck. This'll get your partner extra excited for what's to come, and it'll give you time to figure out what tricks you've got up your sleeve (or...in your mouth?)

Look at eating out and giving head as processes of trial-and-error; that way, when you make a creative or perhaps "risky" decision, it'll be without hesitation or anxiety over your partner potentially abhorring it. Some of the best things I've ever done have been completely out of left field, which is, more often than not, a pleasant surprise for both you and your partner.

XXX FREE PORN XXX

Okay, so Monica Lewinsky and Divine Brown may have made a name for themselves sucking high-profile dick, but amidst the controversy, no one ever bothered to ask Bill and Hugh the most valuable question of all - how was it? (Again, this is probably not true. Just go with it.)

That being said, I'd like to emphasize the benefits of online porn - a source that allows the Sherlock Holmes in all of us to investigate how the amateurs go down on their co-star counterparts. It's free, it's fun, and it can make for a hilarious situation if you choose to view it in public (remember this the next time you find yourself bored to the point of watching 7th Heaven reruns in your 8:30 AM power lecture).

Anyhow, the next time you're feeling curious, I highly suggest searching "blow job" or "eating out" on these sites for some helpful, often humorous up-close-and-personal visuals. A particularly informative video entitled "Big Time Blow Job With a Side of Huge Tits" can be found on www.youporn.com, as can the two-part spectacular, "The Nurse Will Eat you Now."

While I'm definitely not suggesting you blindly emulate some Jenna-Jameson-wannabe's entire technique, watching porn can be an incredibly helpful tactic for both men and women hoping to better their oral prowess.

Suck and Blow? More like lick and lick and lick and occasionally suck and blowing is kind of irrelevant.

The best pointers for blowing and eating out have little to do with the terminology of each act. While most of you probably had the "blow jobs don't actually involve...blowing?" epiphany at some point during high school, it's often more difficult to grasp the concept that, despite it's misleading name, eating out hardly involves ravenous-individual-dives-into-Subway-sandwich types of motions. In fact, it's quite the opposite.

The "buildup" element is a key pleasure booster for all types of head. Before diving in, try teasing your partner by softly kissing, licking, and biting his/her nipples, chest, and sides. After gradually moving downward with your mouth, begin grazing their inner thighs with your lips and tongue. Inciting a sense of anticipation within your partner will increase the playfulness and sensuality of the overall experience.

Although varying degrees of pressure are integral to any oral sex experience, most women enjoy repeated, light flicking of the clitoris with the tongue, much like how playfully licking the tip of a guy's penis stimulates a sensitive area. That being said, a circular motion with the tongue, alternated with the aforementioned light, back-and-forth flicking motion, is sure to get your girl going.

Reiteration: your tongue is an AMAZING muscle, people. When you're sucking dick, start off by licking all over the shaft (and, in many cases, balls too) to increase overall wetness. The age-old "hand-job blow-job" combination is also a great technique, and it feels both comfortable and natural for you and your partner. Without using your entire hand (that can just get clunky. Unless you have some sort of baby hand deformity, in which case...cool.) form a circle with your index/ring fingers and your thumb, and clasp it firmly around the base of the shaft.

Use your partner's increasing wetness and hardness as a cue to increase the speed of whatever you're doing. This is also a perfect time to ask how what you're doing feels - or, if you're the recipient and want to give some reaffirmation to your partner, don't be afraid to get vocal. Creating a buildup of licking, sucking, and touching can help create a rhythm by which you can gradually increase both speed and intensity. The closer your partner gets to the big O, the more he/she will want to really feelwhat you're doing.

Oh yeahhh baby, how does that feel?

Although blurting out, "How does it feel when I circumvent your clit with my tongue, sweetheart?" during the middle of a heated sesh might evoke some initial awkwardness, there's definitely something to be said for open communication. Even with a mouth full of saliva and discharge, talking to your partner will make a worldof difference. (I promise you, even Ron Jeremy asks for progress reports now and then. Unless he's a total fuckhead, which is possible.)

If the possibility of sexual criticism makes you feel all uncomfortable, just realize that communication is a two-way street to better sex - when you ask if he likes that thing you're doing with your mouth and his balls, just remember - you'll want him to know exactly what makes you wet the next time he goes down on you.

Not into the clinical stuff? A reaffirming "Just...keep...ohhhhskdjalfa...doing....THAT!" during oral, or debriefing afterwards, totally works too. Not only will you eliminate the risk of "ruining the moment" with something that may be considered critical, your partner will gain a sense of confidence and reassurance for the future (meaning, ten minutes later).

I was gettin' some head, gettin' gettin' some head...

These suggestions aren't designed to be an all-encompassing guide to oral, but rather a variety of tactics to get you thinking in the right direction. Maintaining creativity and an open-mind, as well as communicating openly with your partner about your likes and dislikes, are the basic keys to any positive sexual experience - naturally, this applies to giving head.

Bottom line: YES! WE! CAN! These three little words, though popularized by a man who was probably referring to lowering the national budget deficit, do a great job of describing the attitude everyone should have before going down on their partner. Head is not the enemy, and shouldn't even be considered a daunting quit-pro-quo activity. It's fun, guys. Embrace it! (orally speaking, of course.)

We are delighted to announce Nikki Signer and Rachel Dickens are our new Hump Day columnists! You'll be seeing them in Wednesday's Badger Herald when the fall semester rolls around. And to give you a taste of what kind of sexpertice they'll be offering, we'll be posting their winning entries. First up is Nikki Signer:

I love my ex. We can't ever seem to really break up. The sex is so great! We fight, but then makeup.... I can't seem to leave him. What should I do? --Distressed and Horny.

The on-again, off-again. I'm sure by now you've been through this a few times, your friends hate hearing about it and you hate dredging it up once again. You think, I'm sure I could get good sex elsewhere if I tried looking, but the process is long and at 2 a.m. I have no other options on my speed dial. You don't want to call it "convenience," but what other choices are you faced with? Let's examine the facts.

The fact that you're calling him your ex is significant here; clearly there was a distinct breaking point. This is important to remember, because it means a lack of communication. If I have to give the main ingredient in any sort of relationship, it will always be communication. Are you able to talk to each other? I don't mean the ability to text GET UR ASS OVER HERE, I'm talking being able to have an honest discussion about your relationship with each other.

So how exactly does this affect your sex life? You say the sex is great, and that seems to be your main reason for staying. I don't blame you. Over time, sex can be a very determining factor in deciding if you should stay or go. You guys know what makes each other moan without all the guess work. It's easy, simple and yes, convenient.

Training someone else in how to push your buttons seems frustrating at first, until you add that magic ingredient, communication. Tell him where to lick, how to kiss and when to bite.Guys like this. The number one complaint I hear from guys is that girls never open up in the bedroom. Why the hell not? Blind exploration can lead to lost focus and lost orgasms; give him a map and you're both likely to end up in Pleasuretown.

Ok, now that you know it's possible to find sexual satisfaction beyond your ex, what is it still holding you back? You've relied on him for your carnal enjoyment, but you also sound pretty emotionally tied down as well. This isn't anything to be ashamed of, but it's also not something to be ignored. It's ok to lean on your friends (male and female) for support if you see this as a dead end. But remember, only you can decide whether you want to keep going with him or cut him loose. Either way, you have to realize that something about this has to change; it's way more fun to be horny when you're not distressed about it.

I want to give great head. For every type of person. What are the best tips for eating out and blowing someone? --Mr. Cock and Pussy.

I once had a friend declare that she'd rather have vaginal sex before oral sex with a guy, because oral is just so in your face. I didn't forgive her for the pun, but she did make a very valid point: your genitalia is under inspection when you're receiving head. The hope is that the other person is enjoying the view as they do their thing, but it can be nerve-racking, especially for the first time with someone new.

Now that you realize that the person receiving is on unsteady ground too, it's a little easier to approach giving head. If you haven't gotten checked for STDs with your current partner and don't know his/her sexual history, use a condom or dental damn. This sounds more surgical than sexual to some, because without a risk of pregnancy latex may not seem necessary or worth it. I beg to differ. Condoms and dental dams come in all sorts of flavors, and if you can't find those, there is the wonderful world of lube. With any sort of sex, the wetter it is, the better it is. Water-based lube can be used on the outside of the condom and on both sides of the dental dam. The latex won't feel like a tongue, but it will produce its own sensations that are nonetheless titillating.

Alright, now that you're all suited up, it's time for some technique tips. An old standby is that teeth equal tears. An occasional brush-up against the teeth may cause an unexpected thrill, but when sucking someone's dick remember to roll your lips over those chompers. Some guys are so big that fitting it all in your mouth is impossible without gagging. This is not a prerequisite for giving good head, though watch enough hetero porn and you might think otherwise. The most sensitive spot on the penis is right below the head on the underside, also known as the frenulum. If you concentrate on licking that area you're moving your mouth up and down over the shaft, the results will often be delightful for your partner. Don't forget the testicles either; a light grabbing or holding sensation as you perform fellatio will further stimulate your guy.

And let's not forget the ladies. The clitoris is equivalent to the male head of the penis, and its sole function is for pleasure (which is pretty awesome). This is where to concentrate your tongue as you perform cunnilingus. You could lick up and down, side to side, in a circle around it or combine all of the above. You can lick the area around it (the vulva) which also is very sensitive. Statistically, this is the way most women can achieve orgasm, and so a lot of tongue action may be involved to make sure she crosses the finish line. Have fun with it! Try nibbling on her inner thigh every once in a while, or let your hands explore the rest of her.

More sensation equals a higher probability of orgasm, but not all sensation will be completely pleasurable. Don't be afraid to ask your partner if they like what you are doing, or what they would like to see you do to them. You'll have the most fun if you keep an open mind and aren't afraid to try something new.

I have to ask...does size truly matter? --Worried in WI

To answer your question bluntly, yes. But the yes is not meant to be discouraging. In fact, the yes is an indication of just how wide open people's preferences are.

If everyone was a porn star, we'd live in a very cheesy world. Unfortunately, so many people's first taste of sex and overt genitalia was through porn, producing a very warped bodily image. I don't own a single pair of platform spike heels, my boyfriend does not get his body waxed every week, and somehow we get along just fine. So if we aren't expecting ladies to look like porn stars as they walk down the street, why do we expect guys to all have huge cocks? In truth, we don't. In fact, many women hope that guys are smaller because their vaginal tightness would otherwise cause discomfort during sex.

So what is "small" and what is "big"? Statistically, most men are between 5 and 7 inches long (from tip to abdomen) and 4 to 6 inches in circumference when erect. It is important to not judge a penis size when flaccid; "show-ers" are just a bit smaller flaccid than they are hard, while "grow-ers" can triple in size when erect. For some people the average is small and for some it's huge. It's all relative, usually to what they've experience before.

When size really matters, however, is during sex. If your partner is on the smaller end, the good news is that thrusting hard, fast and deep is usually ok; while if your partner is well-endowed, it may feel like you are being stabbed. Experimenting with positions is the best part of finding what works for you and your partner, and if you don't rely on porn for all of your techniques, you have nothing to be worried about.

Old Crow/Young Cardinals�hit the music world Tuesday, June 23, and seems to be another hit for band Alexisonfire. This time, adding to their mind blowing mix of hardcore music with powerful vocals, the band is taking it one step further by expressing some deeper takes on life.�

Singer George Pettit says: "The sentiment of it was that life is as equally terrifying and horrible as it is its beautiful and wondrous.� That's where it came from and I don't know if it makes any sense," (TrashHits.com). Well, some of it makes sense. A few songs show clear criticisms on society, America in particular, while other songs remain a little more up for interpretation. Either way, whether obvious or a slightly on the blurry side, the music is good.

The album boasts multiple different speeds and sounds, making it hard to choose one song over the rest -- i's strong as a whole.� Each song has a different quirky appeal. "Old Crows," the opener, starts strong with a hard-headed chorus that definitely has that "stuck-in-your-head" quality, and unlike most pop songs, this is something you might actually want to be humming over and over.�

"Sons of Liberty," which probably remains the most outspoken of the tracks lyric-wise, starts off a little softer in the metal department but has a harsher, angrier vibe. With lyrics like, "America, grin and bare the resentment of the world/ With all your ugliness and self-worth/ Desperate to grease the gears of the hideous machine," the sentiment of the band is clear.

"Heading for the Sun," remains in the more hazy group of tracks but readily allows for Pettit's vocals to shine. Perhaps having less explicit lyrics leaves Pettit more uninhibited so he can jump in headfirst and be less concerned with what message is actually getting through.�

It's clear there is some message, but what that is might remain only with the band. With lyrics like "They are the nameless victims of a generation lost/ Searching for somewhere to exist/ Held captive by our mistakes/ Weak and unable to resist," it's really anybody's guess. "Burial" also showcases Pettit's lyrics but in an entirely different way. This song keeps Pettit's theme of fascination with the purity of nature going but in a very soothing way. The calmest track on the album, it could almost be a lullaby, and just shows more of Alexisonfire's versatility.

As a whole Alexisonfire's new album�Old Crow/Young Cardinals�is one that just keeps on giving. Each track adds something new their sound, and although they keep a unified feel throughout the album none of the songs sound alike. This is definitely an album fans should enjoy, and is not one newcomers should buy one song at a time. Go for the whole thing and let the adventure begin.

Incubus released their greatest hits two-disc album, Monuments and Melodies on June 16th, 2009. The first disc, appropriately named, Monuments, stacks a collection of the band's 13 most successful songs such as "Drive", "Are You In?", "Megalomaniac" and "Love Hurts" between the discs's opener, "Black Heart Inertia" and closer "Midnight Swim" - both of which are the band's two newest tracks. With three songs from Make Yourself, four songs from Morning View, two songs from A Crow Left of the Murder and four songs from their most recent album, Light Grenades, Monuments covers the logical bases of economic success that a geatest hits album naturally calls for. The second disc, Melodies, assuages the cravings of the more devoted fan through a combination of eleven b-sides, unreleased songs, as well as rarities such as a Prince cover of "Let's Go Crazy." The truly loyal fan with expectations to hear Incubus' more primitive work from Fungus Amongus, the Enjoy Incubus E.P. or S.C.I.E.N.C.E, will be sadly disappointed, regardless of the inclusion of a laid back acoustic version of "A Certain Shade of Green".

"Black Heart Inertia", Incubus' newest single resurrects a familiar aural experience placed somewhere between A Crow Left of the Murder and Light Grenades. Mike Einziger's warm and tastefully distorted guitar tone dances between a repetitive, but well grooved set of chord changes. His lead guitar work, although impressive, detracts from the song upon its whinny and crying entrance around the 2:50 mark. The weakness of this song is curious considering Einziger's recent jaunt for Harvard to study music composition ("Black Heart Inertia" was recorded during his winter break). The insipid chorus and over-tried guitar and bass solos combined with Brandon Boyd's forced lyricsbegs the question: Why is this song placed as the opener to some of the greatest rock songs of the past decade? The chorus's lyrics, "You're a mountain that I'd like to climb, / Not to conquer, but to share in the view" suggests Boyd's search for a relationship of mutuality and void of competition - a rousing concept that fails to fully get across especially when frustratingly vague lyrics such as "Pulled by false inertia/ Pushed out by circumstance" immediately follow.

"Midnight Swim," on the other hand, is saturated with the anthemic song writing qualities that Incubus is so well known for. Boyd's use of a wordless bridge that follows the second chorus allows his doubled vocals to traverse through the beat, provided by drummer, Jose Pasillas, whose obvious upbeat energy, and fastidiously placed fills and tempo changes allow this song to organically grow and pleasantly fall. Aesthetically, "Black Heart Inertia" and "Midnight Swim" both belong on the Melodies portion of this two-disc album, but there is probably an esoteric marketing strategy as to why they put the two new songs on the first disc.

Three highlights from the second disc, Melodies, are "Pantomime", an altered version of a B-side to A Crow Left of the Murder, and two previously unreleased songs, "Martini" and "While All the Vultures Feed". Martini explicates the band's more bluesy side, through Einziger's catchy guitar lick that grooves the soul of the verse, while Boyd's cascading voice reaches low-end sonic levels rarely heard in other tunes. "Pantomime" begins with an ethereal atmosphere of electronic noises that harmoniously builds both musically and lyrically. Einziger's surf rock tone and seductive guitar work mimics Boyd's seductive voicing and lyrics. "In my fantasy you look good entwined/ In my hair and skin and spit and sweat and spilled red wine/ You're my deep secret/ I'm your pantomime/ I'll just move my hands/ I promise you'll see what I mean" function as the closing lyrics just before Einziger erupts into a scorching and beastly solo to prove not only the ingenuity of his guitar skills, but also his genius of the band's composition - the irresistible synergy between lyrics and sound is uncanny. "While All the Vultures Feed" allows bassist, (if recorded after 2001) Ben Kenney (of The Roots), to shine through a grove that evokes Incubus' inner Rage Against Machine, while allowing, as expected, Einziger to create another original and impressive signal-screech like lead guitar tone.

The two-disc album comes with twenty-six songs and artwork by Brandon Boyd if you buy the hard copy; the band also offers a four LP record combination from their website. Purchasing the album on Incubus' website, EnjoyIncubus.com, allows buyers to gain access via code found in the album to their 'Vault', which is basically a treasure chest of 120+ songs, 160+ videos and 500+ photos. The Vault will continue to be updated with more content well into August, as it has just launched. Although buying the iTunes version of the album includes a bonus live version of "Pardon Me" from Make Yourself, you will miss out on receiving a code to the Vault and the included artwork by Brandon Boyd.

3 1/2 out of 5.

Hey Hump Day wannabees!

So we've gotten a few e-mails from you now wondering who our columnists are. And the bad news is that we don't know, but the good news is that we will in the next few days - hopefully tomorrow.

We all thank you for your patience in this process! We as judges are just trying to be as thorough as we can in reading the entries so Hump Day is better than ever before.

Here's an entry to keep you distracted from the anticipation...

I want to give great head. For every type of person. What are the best tips for eating out and blowing someone? --Mr. Cock and Pussy.

Mr. Cock and Pussy, I'm so glad you've written to us,

I'll tell you all there is to know about making someone bust.

Oral sex is really awesome, especially if it's done right,

With my advice you'll keep your partner up for the whole damn night.

First I'll cover felatio - "blowjob" is the common name,

When you're sucking someone's cock you should never be ashamed.

Be passionate with your tongue and give the tip plenty of action,

And don't forget to rub those balls for some extra satisfaction.

Deep throat is a must so relax your throat and open wide,

This man couldn't hate you for a minute, even if he tried.

It's all about good rhythm, when you're doing this good deed,

Start off slowly then pick it up, you'll know when you're at prime speed.

Don't forget to use your hands, rub up and down upon the shaft,

And make sure it's just as moist as if you were sailing on a raft.

You should always be sure to swallow after he's finished and ejaculates,

It takes kinda salty and kinda gross, but its something every guy appreciates.

Now onto cunnilingus, that thing most ladies love to receive,

With this advice, a super climax she will certainly achieve.

Focus on the clitoris, it is purely meant for pleasure,

If you circle and rub it with your tongue, in bed you'll surely be a treasure.

Most women are easily pleased during this inner-vaginal trek,

Just make sure you, too, are comfortable so you don't get a soar neck!

Mix up the motions of your tongue, some like it fast some like it slow,

But no matter what you do, she'll love that you went down below.

Some girls enjoy being fingered during this holy act,

So be gentle and stick one or two up there, just be sure she feels relaxed.

The "come hither" motion should work for you just fine,

If you're able to reach that G-spot she'll scream, "OMG you're so divine!"

Next time you're in the bedroom, remember this rhyming advice,

If you take everything into consideration, it'll definitely add some spice.

Oral sex is one of those things that's real fun but is a labor,

So just remember its always nice when you return the favor!

Let's be real: There is nothing better than a well-made hostage movie. They're simple, classic, and straight to the point. First of all, there is always a good cop/bad cop routine. The good cop is the one man who has been unfortunate enough to have to deal with the hostage situation on his own. While there are police aiding his every move, and so called professionals that will "step in" when needed, it is always this one guy who the terrorist insists on interacting with, and who gets sucked into his mind games. He's reliable, attractive, and you know he will keep you safe. Hurray. Next comes the hostages: A diverse group of citizenswho just got the short end of the stick when getting on that plane, train, bus, or subway that sluggish Monday morning. There's the obnoxious business-man who believes that this whole "hostage situation" is just interfering with his morning meetings. There's the neurotic, petrified, and impulsively stupid passenger who always gets themselves killed with their irrational attempts to free themselves. And the list goes on and on.

But then, there is the mad-man psychopath keeping all these innocent people in his clutches. He is usually an everyday man on a power trip, bitter from the cards life has dealt him, and has the kind of relationship with our hero that brings a sort of sick humor to his character that makes us sort of like him. This is the typical movie formula, clear and simple.

This summer's supposed blockbuster "The Taking of Pelham 123" is no different. Director Tony Scott grabbed that Hollywood recipe cookbook, ripped out the "Hostage Mvie" page right next to the "I Hate You-Wait I Love You!" chick flick concoction, decorated with sticky notes that read "Reserved for: The Proposal," and "We Called it First: The Ugly Truth." But moving right along....

"The Taking of Pelham 123" has everything a good old-fashioned summer action blockbuster needs: big name stars, lots of explosions, and inevitable suspense. Denzel Washington ("American Gangster," "Man on Fire") plays our hero, Walter Garber, who as a subway dispatcher finds himself at the mercy of a bitter terrorist (John Travolta, "Hairspray") who threatens to kill the passengers of a hijacked subway train if he doesn't receive a hefty ransom. God, if only Garber had let that phone call go to the next desk. But alas, Travolta's character Ryder feels a connection to the calm and collected Garber, and even proclaims "You might just be the last friend I ever make." And while Denzel Washington is as confident, and awesome as ever (he's Denzel Washington...come on), it is Travolta who makes "Pelham 123" worth checking out -- who would have guessed that John Travolta would make such a believably kick-ass bad guy?

There has always been a dark side to Travolta, which audiences have been fortunate enough to witness in movies such as "Swordfish" and "Pulp Fiction," but it's about time he fully embraces the roll of villain, as he does so deliciously in "Pelham 123." He is by far the greatest character in the film, and had the audience timidly laughing in fear at his jokes and wondering --where did this darkness come from? And also, nice handle-bar mustache...

Other than Travolta being a complete bad-ass mo-fo, other components certainly distinguished "Pelham 123" from other hostage movies of its kind. For one thing, the mind games between Travolta and Washington exceeded the typical sacrificial decisions every good-guy protagonist must face in the pressure of a hostage situation -- risk the life of one for the entire subway? Lie to the terrorist and face the consequences? With the invasive and creepy capabilities of the good ol' world wide web, Travolta pushes Washington's buttons to the point where we begin to see the dark side of our "hero" and wonder if his moral conscious really is as pure as the persona he puts on. You can really sense the tension between the two characters as Travolta researches and learns the weaknesses of the man on the other end of the telephone, and this makes for compelling dialogue and suspenseful pressure which comes with the ticking of the clock.

Overall, "Pelham 123" mixes quality acting with high-thrill suspense. But really, it brings nothing new to the table and seems amateur compared to gripping classics such as "Speed" and "Air Force One." Travolta outshines Washington in his hair-raising portrayal of a madman, but on the whole, "The Taking of Pelham 123" lacks the individuality and surprises which would make this flick memorable.

3 1/2 stars out of 5.

The House of Britpop is probably more incestuous than most royal families. After a burst of bands like Blur, Pulp, Oasis, Suede, Supergrass, holding the patriarchical line (with Elastica and Sleeper shrugging off their motherly duties after a year or two) �We had all these bizarre black sheeps, deformities and strange cousins: The Music, Super Furry Animals, Libertines, Lily Allen, Starsailor, Travis, Muse,� Gay Dad (still births count, too.) And if you were going throw in the great uncles still doing hard drugs (Spiritualized) and the quiet cousin everyone suspects might be gay (Belle and Sebastian is only the most obvious choice.), it's very obvious that someone was drinking during the pregnancy.

In the case of Leicester-based Kasabian, that heavy drinker must have been one of the Gallagher brothers. For a band whose eponymous debut was described by some publications as what The Stone Roses should have done after their debut, the bar was raised high. And then people started comparing them to Oasis. Which is funny, considering Liam Gallagher is basically just a carbon copy of Ian Brown anyway.

But there is definitely dispute as to who they really call Mum and Dad. The singer sounds like Noel Gallagher from Oasis, the performance style mimics The Stone Roses, but their musical style sounds like half-baked Primal Scream.

And they're not sure themselves. Their first album was laden with fuzz-box beats and poorly thought out lyrics. The music occasionally reached a certain electro-trip-hop high, but mostly hulked over the production with a rhythmic attack that made the lyrics seem more subversive and dark than they were. It was edging into pop territory in it's accessibility, but always pulled back at the last minute with an interlude or unconventional song structure.

But the shadow got to them. After being compared to every Arthurian-savior-that-wasn't the British music press could find, they tried to rise to the challenge with Empire. It wasn't a bad idea. Some of their ancestors and legendary influences dabbled in epic soundscapes. But when you follow up an over-the-top romanticized march dressed in English regalia with a piss poor imitation of Primal Scream ("Shoot the Runner," being one of the most cringe inducing songs on the album), you might want to scale back.

And so, Kasabian seems to have finally accepted they're nothing more than a bunch of louts with some good dance beats on their third album, West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum. �Well. Almost.

They're well aware of how their Britpop elders will feel and do a good job of pretending they don't care. On the opening track, "Underdog," lead singer Tom Meighan takes shots at their critics for the build up to their supposed coronation. "Well I've been pounding at the pavement/ 'Til there's nothing at all/ I got my cloak and dagger/ In a bar room brawl/ See the local loves a fighter/ Loves a winner to fall." Of course, the lyrics aren't what is exciting about the track. It's the updated Madchester beats, mixed with a bit of a resurgent lyrical pop. It's straddling the line between epic and frivolous: Enough vitriol to match their debut, but enough drive to surpass their talents on Empire.

And really, that's what Kasabian do best: They groove on a beat, but make it seem more important and urgent than it really is. And considering how stupid some of these lyrics are, that's an impressive feat. "Where Did all the Love Go?" uses clich�s of blood flowing in the street without ever making you think that they probably could be referring to any period of conflict in the last 60 years. Because you're too busy dancing.

And for awhile, this skilled subterfuge continues; "Fast Fuse" melds the fuzz-box bass with mutating clappable rhythm that is danceable and fairly interesting in it's own right; "Take Aim" operates under similar guile, but with a more stripped down dance beat; "Vlad the Impaler" on the other hand sounds like someone had Bez in the studio blowing a whistle while the rest of the band has a rave.

But the difference here is that they still tread back into self-discovery, thinking they may be able to live up to the hype with something different.

They can't. "Thick as Thieves" is a yo-ho-ho joke that suggests Kasabian only plays acoustic when they're stoned, "West Rider Silver Bullet" goes in search of new meaning with a two-note alternating bassline backed by vaguely Eastern sounding canned oohs and ahhs but ends up pounding away at drums when they get stuck in the desert and "Roll the Dice" is a downtempo Hard-Fi rip off without the soul.

They almost get back their energy with "Fire," but fade out with the light cymbal crashes and choir "ooh-ahhs" of "Happiness."

And it's a shame they had to turn out this way. Because as much as they strut with this sort of bravado that even their forerunners never approached, they still feel beholden to their legacies. They want to be smart, they want to innovative: They want to be what Oasis and Stone Roses never were able to pull off.

Instead, they should have considered their gene pool, turned on the drum machine and cut their losses.

Vegas trips and bachelor parties are probably two of the most hedonistic clich�s in American society today, both on and off the silver screen. For this reason, it is easy to see why the idea of combining the two into one film could be a recipe for box office disaster. Yet, "The Hangover" unabashedly embraces these clich�s in such an over the top manner that the result is a sleeper hit that while not always hilarious remains entertaining throughout.

In his latest comedy, director Todd Phillips, who has been striking out big-time recently with bombs like "School for Scoundrels" and "Starsky & Hutch," returns to the formula that made "Old School" such a huge success for him - just have average, middle-aged Joe Schmos act like complete idiots on camera.

Phil (Bradley Cooper, "He's Just Not That Into You") is the good-looking teacher who is too cool for his job and married life. Stu (Ed Helms, TV's "The Office") is a dweebish dentist held back by the short leash his overbearing girlfriend keeps on him. Then there is Alan (Zach Galifianakis, "What Happens in Vegas"), the out of control, juvenile brother-in-law who also happens to be dumb as a brick. Together, the three join groom-to-be Doug (Justin Bartha, "National Treasure: Book of Secrets") for what they hope will be a night they will never forget. The only problem is they wake up the next morning with no memory of the night's events and no Doug.

While the storyline itself is rather simple and unoriginal, it is the approach screenwriting duo Jon Lucas and Scott Moore ("Ghosts of Girlfriends Past") take that makes this film more than just another banal romp through Sin City. By having the story start the day after all the tequila-soaked mayhem, Lucas and Moore are able to introduce a surprise factor that keeps things hilarious. There is always that "what the hell could they have possibly done next" factor as pieces of the night begin to come together.

Because the muscle behind the movie's comedic kick lies in these surprises, there will not be a whole lot of detail in this review beyond what has already been spoiled in the trailer, but a wedding chapel, an unidentified baby and an Asian gangster played by the always neurotically funny Ken Jeong ("Role Models") are all part of the mix.

What is refreshing about this film, though, is that it does not rely on raunchiness alone to get the job done. Fortunately, there is some wit involved as well. That said, like most R-rated comedies, the film does try to stretch the censors. Yet, while this usually means boob-palooza, this movie takes it the other way and goes for male nudity instead. However, women should not get too excited, thinking they are going to catch a glimpse of Cooper's bare ass, because the nudity is not only unattractive, but also tasteless and mostly pointless to the film.

In the end, what makes this film work is its talented cast, which is a must when a movie is as character-driven as this one is. The threesome of Cooper, Helms and Galifianakis meshes perfectly together, managing to remain amusing even when they are not trying to crack a joke. Helms brings the same brilliant comedic timing found on "The Office" to the big screen, knowing just the right time to start freaking out about things.

Cooper, on the other hand, is terrific as the cool and collected setup man to Helms and Galifianakis's hysteria. Speaking of Galifianakis, there are no words to describe the riotous chaos he brings to the group. The best part about the character he creates is you just never know what the hell he is going to do next.

All in all, there is a good reason why "The Hangover" was the unexpected champ at the box office last weekend. It has wide appeal and stays enjoyable even though the humor is hit or miss at times. While the film's producers have not created anything groundbreaking here, this movie is certainly one of the better comedies out right now and one you will not regret seeing.

3 stars out of 5

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