I am going to graduate in two weeks. This may be no big deal to you, but the standard operating procedure for all graduates, given the opportunity, is to share their wisdom with those presumed less wise. I now have this opportunity, and the wisdom I wish to share is the life-changing experience I had just one week ago: my conversion to activism.

My conversion story actually started last summer. In front of a judge, a bailiff and two prosecutors, my community police officer Tim Stassman testified under oath that noise coming from my apartment was an “8 or 9” on a 10 point scale, with a 10 being a Camp Randall concert. In reality, my stereo wasn’t even turned on, but with such convincing testimony from such a qualified witness, it goes without saying that I was found guilty.

That day forever changed my life. Despite “passing on grass” time after time in the hopes of one day becoming president, my political career was now over. This noise ticket would forever taint my public record. Needless to say, I was crushed, and I spent the rest of my days drifting aimlessly, a soul without a purpose.

Then, last week, on the advice of a friend, I decided to try activism. My friend said that all sorts of activists have criminal records, and that I could even smoke pot as an activist. My friend informed me that my first step would be to find a cause, and once I found that cause, I would again have a purpose in life. After half an hour of searching, I had found my cause: the campus climate.

Campus climate has been a hot issue ever since I was a freshman. Although I am a privileged white male, it seems pretty clear to me that the campus climate has gotten much better over the past four years, with the most notable improvement coming last month. I can’t remember a more beautiful November in my life.

I have always been a skeptic when it comes to the “scientific proof” for human-induced global warming, but hoping that last November is a preview of the doomsday scenarios to come, I took a second look at the evidence. In fact, I am now convinced we can induce campus-climate change, and I have been grilling out all this week to help do my part.

More organized campus activists may spend your tuition money to travel to Kyoto rallies and Green Peace cruises, but forget about that. Instead, do something here at home. Simple steps, like running your car in idle in between classes and asking for extra beans in your Qdoba burrito, can make a difference. If we want to improve the university’s campus climate, we need to work together.

Speaking of cruises, an advertisement for a spring-break package caught my eye last night. Even with a thousand grills, a hundred idling cars, an off-campus office and a million-dollar budget, it will still take us a few years to make Madison’s climate as nice as Pepperdine’s. So, rather than wait and watch the charcoal ash over, my roommate and I decided we should head south and party.

We had to decide where to travel, and ultimately, we had to get drunk to weigh all the pros and cons of different destinations. A U.S. locale, where things are possibly safer, or Cancun, where drinking ages don’t exist? My roommate thought that being a college senior and a college grad might impress some of the underagers who tend to travel abroad. We came to the conclusion that following them might help our chances. In retrospect, my more honest friends inform me that I have no chances anyway, but as they say in baseball, always play the percentages.

So my campus career has been full of ups and downs. (From the glorious high of my first grilled cheese at Pop’s Club, to the horrible low of being out-maneuvered by a half-wit in municipal court). But I can truly say that as I sit here planning my trip to Cancun and grilling a 10-oz. New York strip on my porch, my outlook on life has never been so optimistic. I owe it all to finding activism. Henry Kissinger once said, “University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.” Six months ago I would have agreed, but now I think that Hank simply hasn’t experienced the joys of campus activism.