What disobey all applicable traffic laws, put the lives of pedestrians at risk and make a really annoying sound?

Mopeds.

There are no words that can begin to describe my deep-rooted aversion for these ridiculous “machines.” Two weeks ago I was minding my own business, driving down Langdon in a car. I was attacked by a moped gang.

Two swerved to the side of me, cutting me off in front, and then decided to go extremely slowly. The other two remained behind me, tailgating and just generally irking me. I was tempted to slam on the brakes and then hit the gas.

But I didn’t, because I have some respect for fellow motorists and traffic laws and don’t desire damage to my vehicle or ending up in jail.

Yet, I can’t say that I have ever witnessed this level of consideration practiced by the majority of moped drivers.

Who hasn’t been strolling down the street to be nearly run over by a moped zooming down the sidewalk?

Who hasn’t been walking between classes, alarmed by the sight of some crazy moped enthusiast smoking with one hand, drinking coffee with the other and finding time to fix their hair, all while driving?

I know I have. I particularly hate it when one of these people cut across your footpath with their vehicle, and then look at you like it’s your fault for being in their way.

I will admit there are most likely a number of moped operators out there who do all they can to drive considerately and obey laws. I simply haven’t seen any such people since I came to campus three years ago.

It seems that most of the individuals in question only follow rules when convenient, and feel their time is more valuable than pedestrians’ time. So often, I’ve considered walking up to someone on a moped and pushing them over. After all, why do these people drive around like they’re so cool?

Seeing them tear around corners and hit the gas is a joke. Anyone who considers these diminutive vehicles to be machines is mistaken: with their little lawn-mower engines and bicycle tires, they are no more machines than electric pencil sharpeners are.

However, I am able to see some benefits associated with mopeds. They don’t use very much gas and accordingly are relatively inexpensive and low-polluting. They are compact and can save a lot of time for someone on the go.

Yet they aren’t particularly safe. I have had the misfortune of seeing a woman thrown off a moped, and even though she was only going about 20, she cracked all her front teeth off and had to be taken to the hospital in a mess of blood. It certainly was not pretty.

And aside from safety, the disrespectful manner of those who drive mopeds virtually eclipses their positive effects. Indeed, mopeds say one thing to me: laziness. Anyone who really cares about the aforementioned benefits of efficiency, low pollution and the like would ride a bike or Rollerblade to class instead.

Mopeds are for those who are just too damn lazy (or perhaps, think they’re too good) to move their legs. Although many hard-working youngsters use mopeds as an efficient mode of transportation, the connection between little rich kids, jocks and mopeds has not been lost on me.

But, for all that, I want to reserve judgment to some degree. I hope that there are those out there who will prove to me that mopeds don’t necessarily equate to asshole. But in the meantime, I just want to express my feelings on the issue. If you’re going to buy a moped, reconsider, or at least use it respectfully for the sake of all us pedestrians. Otherwise, one of these days someone is going to knock you down.