There is a paradoxical irony to the University of Wisconsin. On one hand, the school is among America’s finest institutions of higher education and a bastion of original and frequently groundbreaking academic research. On the other hand, Madison is a breeding ground for such rabidly incestuous leftist ideology that few students are actually capable of engaging in intelligent political conversation without simply regurgitating The Gospel According to Marx.

Perhaps more disturbing, however, is that many citizens of the People’s Republic of Madison have never given their sacred liberal views due meditation because such views go frequently unchallenged in the one-sided environment.

Legions of students never questioned whether the war in Iraq was justified or not. Instead, they spent their hours debating whether George Bush is a servant of the devil or Lucifer himself.

When someone took the initiative of flattening the tires on all the SUVs found on Langdon Street in commemoration of Earth Day, many of the people of Madison not only failed to condemn the criminal act but granted its unknown perpetrator the status of a cult hero: the tire bandit was even applauded on this Opinion page.

That WisPIRG, a student organization, successfully laundered tuition money to Ralph Nader’s presidential campaign is not a matter of serious contention because in Madison, Nader is widely accepted as a messianic figure and the donation recognized as a ritual sacrifice.

When students and locals squatted on Library Mall and established a “refugee camp,” claiming to be refugees of the unjust Iraqi war, there was not widespread outrage that they were beating war drums next to the study room of a library or that they were creating a massive inconvenience for students walking to class. Rather, the mayor of Madison immediately took steps to insure that their illegal presence wouldn’t be molested.

When there was a citywide protest against the aforementioned war, professors not only excused students from classes so that they might attend but, in some cases, took the liberty of canceling classes in recognition of the event. So much for students who were more concerned with learning than marching.

Madison has been described as “25 square miles surrounded by reality.” The description is apt, and locals seem to wear it as a sort of badge of honor. While the rest of America tirelessly debates serious social and economic issues, many of the people of Madison simply scoff, as their leftist arrogance assures them that conservative thinking is completely devoid of reason and that the world would be a better place without those pesky Republicans.

In fact, there are no Republicans on Madison election ballots. Rather, all candidates running for local seats must do so sans a major political party. At first this sounds noble, and then you realize all the serious candidates lean so far to the left that anyone with the word “Democrat” next to their name would be deemed too conservative.

In America, everyone has a right to be politically na�ve. And everyone has a right to be politically outspoken. But too many students at UW are that tragic combination of both na�ve and outspoken. The school really takes the term “blind following” to a whole new level.

The deepest irony, however, lies in the immediate rejection of conservative views. Much of Madison’s liberal message is one of extreme tolerance. They say we should tolerate overly aggressive panhandlers on State Street. They say we should tolerate people using illegal drugs in public. They say we should tolerate anti-American terrorists blowing up our buildings and killing our citizens.

They say we should tolerate people illegally sneaking over our borders and depriving hard-working Americans of jobs. They say we should tolerate Saddam Hussein killing hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and menacing the rest of the world. Yet when it comes to opposing views, their message of tolerance is absent. Those who preach from any book other than The Gospel According to Marx are more frequently met with ad hominem attacks than highbrow challenges.

At times, being a conservative in Madison can feel like being in a Saturday Night Live skit. You put forward intelligent questions in hopes of inspiring Socratic debate, and instead you are greeted by mindless regurgitations of popular liberal catchphrases sans any substantive accompaniment. A walk into Memorial Union can feel like a conversation with hundreds of Clinton Barbie Dolls that only have three sayings in their voice chip. And that’s when you realize that it takes a piece of blonde plastic (clothed in pink, of course) like Barbie to not understand the definition of the word “is.”

There’s no telling what causes will mobilize the People’s Republic of Madison to take to the streets over the next year, but with a presidential election looming, the rhetoric promises to be loud. Rest assured, though; hidden among the many masses of Naderites are a handful of sensible, compassionate conservatives. And this writer, at least, assures you he will do all he can to defend that which is right, as opposed to that which is left and, therefore, wrong.

Mac VerStandig ([email protected]) is a sophomore majoring in rhetorical studies and economics.