I never really knew what it was like to give up. As a girl, I’m sure most of you don’t. But it’s been interesting watching my girl friends interact with guys they are not interested in and vice-versa. One of my roommates bought the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” which is written by a male, and in my opinion, doesn’t really apply to college-age kids. I remember in high school, and even in college, always making excuses as to why it was “ok” to call, and hearing friends repeatedly saying “I don’t want to play games.” Bullshit. Yes, you do. Otherwise you would have given up already. You don’t want to lose.

I always thought that if you really wanted something, you should go for it. This is before I opened my eyes and saw what kind of relationships were going on around me. I am very good at giving advice; sometimes I just don’t take it for myself.

Rather, sometimes I just didn’t take it for myself and now I always do. Here’s why: one of my girlfriends dated a guy for about a year. She thought that she was totally in love with him. That was, until they broke up and one week later she was seeing someone else. Two years have now passed, and whenever this guy comes to Madison to visit, he calls, shows up, IMs, whatever it is he can think of. Just the other day, she frantically called me two times in a row because he was messaging her on the computer (keep in mind, he does not go to school here anymore). He proceeded to tell her, over instant message nonetheless, that he had removed her from his cell phone and buddy list and was meaning to contact her because he wanted to talk.

(Why did he remove her if he wanted to talk? Why did he tell her all of this if he wanted her to respond to him in a friendly way?)

My response? “Oh no. Doesn’t he get it?” Which was immediately followed by “I hope I am not — or never will be — this annoying to someone, and if I was, never again.”

I told her to be as nice as possible and say that maybe talking wasn’t the best idea because they have been broken up for two years now and they are both different than they were before. Of course then he got really mad at her (at least we think, because this was over IM). I mean, come on buddy. I know no one ever wants to be in the loser’s seat of the ending of a relationship, but sometimes it can work to your benefit. If you get broken up with, take it and run. Indulge in yourself. Meet new people. Move on already.

What is it that keeps us from giving up? Is it that somewhere deep inside we feel that we have these magical powers to change someone or actually make somebody like us? Because if you’re not getting responses to phone calls, emails, etc., chances are, that specific someone is ignoring you. Or, at least they’re trying to. It’s a little hard to ignore someone when they are always there. Have you ever noticed that? You turn around and that person is just always there? Stalker. This goes beyond the point of flattery.

So boys and girls, here’s some advice (not that I am an expert, but I think I have a hunch): stop making excuses for calling and stop thinking you can change one person by reaching out to them.

If they want you, they will eventually come around. And unless you’re ready to simply maintain a friendship, no strings attached, leave that phone on the charger. And if you’re still thinking about someone after they’re obviously giving you the run-around, seek therapy.

Lindsay Zuckerman ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in journalism.