H 23°, L 4° | Tomorrow: 
H 21°, L 6°If one thing can be said about Mayor Dave Cieslewicz, it is that he certainly knows how to prioritize his grandiose plans to improve the quality of life for Madisonians. His agenda and ideas are so encapsulating, so vital and so earth shattering. They are all-encompassing, lofty goals and policies that are so fiscally responsible, so pertinent and so forward moving that I thought it would be necessary to share with you exactly what they are as of late.
First, the mayor was in Washington, D.C. this past week to lobby officials for federal grants for important things that Madisonians can’t pay for without raising taxes to exorbitant levels. According to mayoral spokesperson George Twigg, his number one issue while he was at our nation’s capitol was protecting the “train whistle ban” in Madison. You see, the mayor understands the importance of banning train whistles in the city so that you can’t hear trains coming. The train whistle ban, according to Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, is a “public health issue.” Of course, it’s not a “public health issue” if someone gets flattened like a pancake while crossing the road, but it is if your grandma is awakened for five minutes every two months by one of those evil train conductors recklessly blowing his whistle at a busy intersection.
Second, the mayor just took $500,000 in taxpayer money from you. But don’t worry, this pick pocketing is certainly justified and important, as it will surely affect your life and is as necessary as the $110,000 bike lane the mayor is putting around the Capitol Square to fill a small, half-inch crevice so bikers don’t fall and get a boo boo on their arm. The 500,000 buckaroos in the new plan will go toward installing a “Conservation Carrousel” at the zoo and making the polar bear cage bigger, which will now be complete with an “ice-breaker boat” replica!
The mayor was a regular Johnny Carson when the proposal was introduced and made some great jokes, as he said the city was happy to “seal” the deal and he wasn’t “lion.” Get it? Money for the zoo? Seal? Lion? See, now I know you can rest assured that your hard-earned money is at least going to make the zoo look more like a small-town carnie-fest complete with upgraded accommodations for the polar bears; something that I’m sure you’ve been dreaming about.
Finally, on St. Patrick’s Day (Thursday), the mayor has planned an event called Fit City USA. This is his lofty goal to make Madison the fittest city in America, and he’s suggesting that we all come to the Capitol for a noon walk. People normally are bad boys and girls on St. Patrick’s Day because they drink all that highly caloric, dangerous green beer and eat deep-fried foods after getting intoxicated. The mayor is suggesting that each and every one of you plan on eating “three less bites per day” in order to lose “100 calories.” Mayor Dave likes to show us how to be good citizens, especially since he puts on his little spandex and helmet quite frequently and rides around the city on his bicycle. Maybe you should think about substituting a nice, ice-cold glass of water for that pint this Thursday and joining the mayor in a good old brisk walk instead of doing that beer bong!
In light of the mayor’s current plans for the city, I’m sure that now you’re glad this mayor is doing everything he can to look out for you. In all seriousness, maybe the mayor could think about spending our tax dollars wisely on things that do affect a large portion of his constituency. I’d like to suggest working on keeping blue-collar jobs in this city — as the manufacturing jobs are quickly leaving Madison, and thousands of long-time Madisonians are losing their jobs.
Another issue he could consider is making the small-business climate less hostile so we can get a larger tax base to afford all the necessary services for our citizens, like good health care, affordable housing and services for our schools. We’ve been told we’re in a budget crisis, and yet, this mayor is still focusing his time on completely unnecessary bike lanes around the Capitol, carnival-style carousels, train whistle bans and finding a Fit City USA coordinator. I hate to use the old cliché, but money doesn’t grow on trees. It’s time to get your priorities straight, Mayor Dolittle.
Casey Hoff ([email protected]) is a UW student and the host of “New Ground with Casey Hoff,” live Monday through Friday, 9-11 a.m., on Talk Radio 1670 WTDY.
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Casey, you’re right. Do you know what the “progressive” policies of Chicago that the Madison left loves so much have done to the poor of that city? Moved them to a place with no jobs.
In surrounding towns, about 30 minutes away,there are large pockets of poor Mexicans who commute to Madison where it’s too expensive.
Progressive policy is another word for gentrification.
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Hey Hoff!
You’re a loser. Zip it you pig faced jackass.
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Again with the anti-Bike comments?! What the fuck, dude?
I’ve got some problems with our mayor, but still, you’re just a complete, total, bona fide idiot. Every time you write a column it makes me like Dave a little more.
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Dave has done some things I don’t agree with, but why are you ragging on him for encouraging people to be fit?? It’s not as if it is not an ordinance that you must be in shape other wise you get a ticket. He is merely encouraging healthy behavior and providing a venue in which you can engage in a communal work out. You can debate the merits of a light rail system, but you are just being a dick if you try to make his health program an issue.
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Casey, why don’t you speak out about something that matters like how your precious boss said Ald. Weber should be bent over a chair and given the Kobe Bryant treatment and then claimed his audience should realize that it was just a joke? Check out today’s WSJ for some details.
Why are you so up in arms over a bike lane or fixing up the zoo? Neither have a huge cost despite your attempt to make it sound that way. Your priorities aren’t the same as everyone else’s. Some people with kids and tourists love the zoo. Some people want the square to become more vital and accessible. Deal with it.
I do agree about the train horns. WTF? We’ve already had, I think, two car/train accidents since the ban went into effect. I think the ban is nothing but pandering to some whiny rich folk.
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I agree with this article. There are way more important things going on right now that need to be addressed, but since they are not “progessive” they probably won’t be handled.
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I, for one, am on the polar bears’ side…
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Hoff does what almost all talk radio hosts do. They have nothing to say so they start shifting to the right and becoming more and more outrageous in an attempt to keep their ratings up.
Sean Hannity used to be a moderate before he discovered he could make more money as a conservative.
That idiot on 1310AM in the afternoon is the same way, Vicki McKenna I think is her name. She used to be a moderate but got no rating so now she tries to be as obnoxious as possible so that the dumb, fact ignoring morons who listen to her will say “That’s right! We should torture anyone who doesn’t say the pledge of allegiance! You tell ‘em Vicki”
All these talk radio buffoons are the same way, long on rhetoric, short on intelligence.The only solution is to ignore them and hope they go away.
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You know what will help the small business climate? Greater bike accessibility around the capitol square, as well as allowing more parking — something else the mayor has approved.
The Zoo is run by the county. The upcoming renovations will cost $27 million, largely funded by donations.
Just be glad that that carousel isn’t going in Peace Park, like it was once slated.
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Could that mug shot be zoomed in on your face any more? Christ that thing is going to give me nightmares.
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seriuosly, who cropped that photo?
they should be fired
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Honestly, I agree with everyone saying to stick off the anti-bike comments. My God! If you haven’t noticed there is a huge influx of people around the capitol and not enought parking spots to accomodate everyone resulting in lots of traffic congestion and problems with parking. If there are adequate bike paths, that encourages people to bike to the downtown area opposed to driving and therefore helping to reduce the traffic congestion.
Casey, I’m sick of your columns. Get a clue
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Which is worse; counting Hoff’s ugly pores in that ultra close-up or the pretentious Mac Verstandig photo of him smoking a cigar?
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You could talk about the large building proposal on the East Wash. corridor, but i’m that would be too substantive.
How much taxpayer money would it take to throw Casey into the polar bear habitat? Come to think of it, I’m sure the funds could be raised privately, thus lifting the burden from the common man Hoff fights for.
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“You know what will help the small business climate? Greater bike accessibility around the capitol square”
Are you nuts? Why the f* would this make any difference. Lower taxes and less hostile environment yes, but a f** bike lane to help small business!! Man, you’re reaching with that one.
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One problem I have with this article:
The carousel should be pure revenue for the city. Assuming they charge for rides, the carousel will pay for itself—the original investment and all of the operating and maintenance costs should be completely recovered. After that it’s pure revenue for the Zoo, which could result in spending less taxpayer dollars on the Zoo and using them elsewhere in the city.
You didn’t come down on his wireless internet plan. Why not?
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Hoff and his fat boss Fat John Sylvester are both loud-mouths. WTDY has the worst ratings of all of radio. That’s why they’re doing this desperate “We’re progressive” thing, when, in fact they still host Bill O’Lielly’s show every day. Never going to keep a progressive audience with those three complete tools on the air. But what is Fat John going to do, fire himself? He’s the program director and he already gave himself the best time-slot.
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Hoff and his fat boss Fat John Sylvester are both loud-mouths. WTDY has the worst ratings of all of radio. That’s why they’re doing this desperate “We’re progressive” thing, when, in fact they still host Bill O’Lielly’s show every day. Never going to keep a progressive audience with those three complete tools on the air. But what is Fat John going to do, fire himself? He’s the program director and he already gave himself the best time-slot.
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What is “f*?” You can swear here if you want to, cocksucker.
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Gee, if you read the column, you would see that Hoff was talking about the mayor doing things in a meaningless way.
I know that liberals read less but I didn’t know they couldn’t read at all….
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sly is fat and hoff is a loudmouth, but tdy’s ratings problems are due to too many amateurish liberals being given airtime. If sly would bring back hannity or someone with some sort of status that would help his ratings.
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“Hey Hoff! You’re a loser. Zip it you pig faced jackass.”
Ah, now it’s the Madison liberals’ who are being immature and resorting to name-calling.
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“Which is worse; counting Hoff’s ugly pores in that ultra close-up or the pretentious Mac Verstandig photo of him smoking a cigar?”
Here’s what’s worse: Madison liberals making complete idiots of themselves. Mac and Casey are merely doing what any one of you would do, except they aren’t being immature morons. I expected better from liberals in Madison.
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If you don’t like that kind of discourse, listen to NPR or WNYC online.
Personally, I think both sides need slash and burn. And you know who trains people to be those kind of pundits, on both sides, just like every other person who puts out crap product in the media? A liberal and democrat. Guess the left forgot all about Sartre’s Godless existentialism as a replacement for Christian morality.
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I can’t believe at an institution of higher learning like UW these are type of responses someone gets for writing a column. I find it completely gutless that so many of you are unwilling to put your name on what you write. Let me guess, all of you complaining about WTDY are avid listeners of Air America.(yea, theres a reliable source of unbiased news) If your gonna bitch at Kasey atleast have the guts to put your name on it. Shane [email protected]
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Is there a reliable source of unbiased news anywhere? I certainly “trust” the lefties and libs at Air America “more” than I could trust (choke, cough, vomit) the right-wing pigs on most every other media outlet in this “great” country. And while Casey is not the sharpest stick in the pile when it comes to seeing the big picture, at least he does encourage some dialog. Signed, unashamedly, Anthony Mark Happel/Black Orchid Prods.
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Not much longer before WTDY cleans house and has a new format. Enjoy it while you can.