I hereby announce the 2010 Badger Olympic Games. The events will include, but are certainly not limited to: cross-country trek up Bascom hill, tray sledding, “Run and catch the bus” and an epic snowball fight. The three countries being represented are Southeast, Lakeshore and Everybody Else. Every athlete must wear neon-colored spandex and be willing to subject his body to increasing levels of danger and speed.

Does this sound ridiculous? Compare it to the current Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Without a doubt, most of the events in the winter games are highly anticipated and have a strong fan following. However, there are the games that are, well, a little less well known. Did you know that an official Olympic sport combines cross country skiing and rifle shooting? The biathlon can trace its origins back to paintings found on Norwegian rocks that depict men sliding on timber and shooting bow and arrows. While this may be true, I think it’s more likely that a guy up in the northern woods of Wisconsin was out skiing one day, got drunk and decided to shoot his rifle at the nearest target. This seems like a better explanation, seeing as it’s hard to imagine anyone else putting cross-country skiing and shooting together in the same sentence, let alone an Olympic event.

Then there’s curling. Curling… How to explain this strange game? It’s kind of like shuffleboard, but on ice, with brooms and, in the case of the Norwegian Men’s team, heinous argyle pants. Norway certainly knows how to keep things interesting.

Not all of the skills being demonstrated in Vancouver are as outlandish as the biathlon or curling. Snowboarding and hockey are two of the most anticipated Winter Olympics sports in the games. Shaun White’s coined Double McTwist 1260 is an athletic feat in a league of its own, and no one would contest the fact that former Badgers Ryan Suter, Brian Rafalski and Joe Pavelski kick some serious butt on the ice.

But where does the appeal for these sports come from? Sure, not every person can flip three times while riding a snowboard and still land in a vertical position, but once you’ve seen one flip, at least to the average audience member, you’ve seen them all. National pride is great, but what really attracts viewership seems to be the chance that we’ll get to see a skier eat it on the slopes or maybe catch a glimpse of blood as a speed skater slices over the ice. We are enthralled by danger.

For what the Winter Olympics are lacking in well-known games, they have certainly made up in imagination and risk. Who ever thought hurtling down a chute of ice head first, or feet first for that matter, was a good idea? Tempting fate, however, seems to be a common theme. Sports commentators have mentioned several times over the course of these games that the luge track is the fastest in history. This is not evidence of advances in ice chute making, but rather an organization’s attempt to up the ante in an already dangerous sport.

And we eat it up. Every time an athlete breaks a record, especially an American, we lose it! These athletes are seemingly defying the laws of gravity and critical angles, pushing their bodies to the limits — for fame, for recognition and to just prove that they can. I understand a love for the game, but when you’re flying down a mountainside at 80 mph and you lose control, it’s not going to matter what record you could have broken or what country you’re from.

In the spirit of sport and the feeling of global community that only an event like the Olympics can generate, let’s bring the rings to Madison. Tray sledding down Liz Waters’ hill, while certainly not as awesome as curling or as much of an adrenaline rush as the skeleton, is a lot of fun and probably won’t cause any serious body injury. Let’s light Lady Liberty’s torch and get these games rolling.

Chelsea Lawliss ([email protected]) is a sophomore intending to major in journalism.