The debut of KFC’s breadless, fried tribute to gluttony last week constituted perhaps one of the most significant anti-war developments in a long time. One might not realize it from watching all the sweaty boys and girls running around Madison, but a report released yesterday found that 9 million people between the ages of 17 and 24 are too fat to be recruited into the armed forces. That means nearly one-third of the prime demographic for military recruiters is off-limits.

With the military already overburdened by imperialist occupations across the Middle East, the slimming of America’s youth has become a national security priority. I don’t think I’m the only one who sees the poetic justice in this new conundrum.

The same capitalist system that creates the need for America’s imperialist juggernaut has also fostered such a rampant consumerism that this country has become the global Mecca for cheap moldings of fat and salt. Consequently, Americans are packing on so many spare tires our capacity to conquer is crumbling. Maybe the Campus Anti-War Network would have been more effective serving children ice cream than protesting war barons.

Nonetheless, at least CAN was dedicated to doing something helpful for others. On the other hand, the group of people that will vilify those who celebrate America’s waning war machine are the same people who “get political” for themselves and themselves only. Aside from reminding me to pay my taxes, last week’s Tea Party fantasy fest provided a fine opportunity to reflect on the country’s asymmetrical political discourse.

Generally speaking, on one side of the political sphere is a diverse association of people and groups fueled by intellectual ferment, positivity and compassion. Opposing the left’s variegated coalition is a narrow, intellectually bankrupt and self-seeking combination of anachronistic rightists and their pawns. From the expulsion of former Bush speechwriter David Frum from the American Enterprise Institute for a perfectly rational critique of Republican healthcare recalcitrance to the confused ramblings of the nearly all-white tea partiers, evidence of rightwing lunacy abounds.

It would be one thing if the right had some semblance of a cohesive narrative or intellectual leadership. Instead orthodoxy usurps a diversity of opinion, fueling the movement on fear, mistruths and a cascade of obstruction absent from any constructive advocacy. Orchestrating the vitriol are the AstroTurf machinations of Big Business, Fox News and shameless politicians all currying favor with a pliable constituency whose economic and social interests seldom align.

There is just no two ways about it; the Tea Party movement exists in an alternate reality, guided there by lies. Ostensibly, the premier objection of tea partiers is the expansion of government and increase in taxes under President Obama — potentially reasonable, if not important, points of protest. The problem lies in the fact that taxes have decreased for 95 percent of Americans since Obama has taken office, while only about 2 percent of Tea Party members have even a vague understanding of this fact.

Where were all the small-government right-wing-nuts when Bush borrowed billions from China for desert slaughter and expanded the government more than any other U.S. President since Lyndon Johnson? Even if Obama weren’t in the White House, any other president would have to choose between spending more or exacerbating the recession and retarding job growth. Politically inconvenient though the situation may be, Obama’s leadership has been far from radical — perhaps to a fault.

In any case, it’s becoming increasingly clear that something other than policy is whirling a lot of old white people into an anti-government fury. Although it’s nearly impossible to judge what is really motivating the right’s delusional apoplexy, the conventional wisdom postulates all the sound and fury is a reaction to changing demographics.

Women, gays and people of color in power, civil rights progress, the penetration of a liberalized youth into society, all these things are antithetical to rightwing orthodoxy. Unable to directly address these changes without coming off as monsters, the closest release valve for isolated traditionalists is the inchoate anti-Obama rage that has swept the country over the past year.

As much as I hate to admit it, the right, damaged though it may be, is still quite dangerous. The GOP’s embrace of fatuous radicalism has many across the political spectrum yearning for the days of Nixon or Reagan. Loathed by many at the time for its bloody and elitist leadership, today the merits of its policy positions would have many a tea partier accusing them of “socialist” and “anti-American” aspirations.

Indeed, the Tea Party movement — which for all intents and purposes is the face of the American right — has consumed so many junk ideas it is no longer fit for civil discourse much less leadership. Until honest thought creeps back into the right’s ranks, until it stands for something constructive, the Tea Party movement and the right must be aggressively opposed, have their hypocrisy exposed and be otherwise drowned out with reason. The American right was once able to develop compelling, sometimes even good ideas. Unless it regains that capacity soon, it will probably not survive the process of addressing the 21st century’s major challenges. And that may be a good thing.

Sam Stevenson ([email protected]) is a graduate student in public health.