Last Sunday night, I asked my good buddy Schmoldt .45 if he knew what major sporting event had taken place that day.

He quickly responded, "Well, Aaron, that would be the final round of the Pebble Beach National Pro-Am."

Uh, Schmoldt, nobody cares about this thing. Especially when the name of the tournament winner, Arron Oberholser, sounds more like a German lager than a golfer.

"OK, was it the qualifying races for the Daytona 500?"

Well, yeah, but that's not quite what I'm looking for.

"Oh yeah! I heard something about … about … a tractor pull!"

Sigh.

Sunday, Derrick Brooks was named MVP of the 2006 Pro Bowl when he returned an interception for a zzzzzzz …

Wow. I couldn't even finish the topic sentence of this column without boring myself to death.

You know? The Pro Bowl? Where the world's greatest players of the world's greatest sport flock to the world's greatest vacation spot to culminate another exciting season?

You didn't watch it? Join the club, we've got jackets.

Not that anyone cares, but the NFC gained back a shred of dignity to carry into the off-season with a 23-17, uh, "victory" at Aloha Stadium last Sunday.

While it's hard for anyone to really get fired up for a meaningless game in the wake of the Super Bowl, the quality of this particular Pro Bowl showed just why even the almighty "SportsCenter" stayed away from nonstop coverage.

For starters, this was the lowest-scoring game in seven years. In general, All-Star games generate interest by lighting up the scoreboard, but this wasn't the case Sunday.

The reason for the ice-cold offense: the AFC and NFC defense combined to force 10 (10!) turnovers in the game. Brooks, who returned an interception 59 yards to the house, earned the immortal award of Most Valuable Player in the game, as well as a brand-new car.

After the game, Brooks said, "I've been here a few times, and I don't have many wins. Obviously, this award is a reflection of the NFC defense. We went out there and played a fine game."

No offense, Derrick, but wouldn't it be easier to just say the NFC offense sucked less?

It's not like each conference's defensive players were playing with a vengeance. If you've ever watched the Pro Bowl, you know that the object of the game is to entertain the crowd while doing whatever it takes to keep the jerseys clean. Basically, the defense treats each and every opposing ball carrier like their newborn son out there.

I understand that no superstar wants to risk next season, or even their careers, over an irrelevant game. I'm just saying that I simply can't take this no-contact spectacle seriously.

That a linebacker was the game's best player might explain the lousy ratings. According to USATODAY.com, the ESPN ratings for this year's Pro Bowl were down 19 percent from last year, garnering viewers in under three million houses.

In other words, the game barely outdrew a Spanish soap opera, a three-hour infomercial and an NHL game.

Of course, it wouldn't be a true NFL-sanctioned game without some crappy officiating. Apparently, Peyton Manning — who showed some strides by not calling out his offensive line after the game — threw a touchdown pass to UW alum Chris Chambers, but replays showed that Chambers should have been ruled out-of-bounds.

Good thing is, since the three hours on the field mean less to the players than the two weeks spent off the gridiron, those interviewed about the call laughed it off.

Somewhere, Mike Holmgren is counting to 10 and breathing deeply.

But you know, this game should mean more to the Pro Bowlers. Each player of the winning team makes a whopping $20,000 more than those of the losing squad! I think Brooks is going to pay more in luxury tax for that new car.

The fact is this game is a joke. Several big-name players skip it in fear of injury for the next season, and those who do compete end up looking like sixth-graders in the tackling department.

Perhaps an All-Star game could be the one thing the NFL lacks in comparison to the other major sports leagues.

"Hey, Brenner!" Schmoldt yells. "The Rubik's Cube Time Trials just came on ESPN!"

Yawn. Wake me when March Madness starts.